The Looking Glass Blog

Faith has always been a huge part of my life and I have never really seen my life without it. I have struggled with it in the past and have had my own doubts to wrestle with, but recently with the extra time that I have had to myself I have grown restless, letting my doubts and fears overcome my often-relaxed mind. I have had quite a lot of time to think over the past few days of socially distancing myself from the rest of society, and as they say, a wandering mind is the worst prison.

I am someone who tends to overthink quite a bit. If you do not know me or know me very little that is probably something new, but if you know me well, you know that it is an everyday occurrence for me. My personality tends to revolve around feelings and how someone else feels is always a top priority for me. So, with that in mind, I tend to overthink every interaction that I have had with people throughout the day, often wondering if I said the right thing, or if I offended that person, or if I could have given a little more. Bottom line is, my biggest struggle and insecurity is that I am not enough.

We all struggle with not feeling enough and we voice our need for help or validation in many different ways. We don’t often know how to cope with this feeling of insecurity, so we put our identity elsewhere. Most of us, like myself tend to put our identity within other things like academics, sports, reputation, popularity, musicality, comparisons, or anything that is worth comparing. We strive to be loved for who we are. I tend to put my identity in who I am to others. I want to be the person involved and included in everything, always wanting the person to be there to help, and often suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out). I have my own Messiah complex and thankfully God has been tearing it down for quite some time.

As this slow week has progressed, the insecurity that has crossed my mind recently is that I am not enough for God, that simply, if life were to end right now, I would not be standing by His side. I often tend to think about my faith in this matter of not feeling “Christian” enough and being scared that even though my actions and words may follow the path less travelled, that my heart isn’t truly there.

As this has been heavy on my heart, filling me with anxiety and worry, I have yet again been surprised by the friends that God has blessed me with in my life. Jack, always the brother I need, assuring me that we are supposed to be broken, we are not supposed to be enough because that’s what makes it beautiful. Grace should fill the gaps of our brokenness. His grace is sufficient for us. His grace makes us enough for Him.

God is enough for us. We should always lean on Him whenever we are wrestling with our doubt. We should see where God is within our lives and run to Him, sometimes meaning that we need to take a break from everything busy in our lives and focus on what really matters. Another friend of mine, Isabella, reminded me that in the valleys of our faith, when we feel worn and weary, it is important to take it back to the basics. We need the reminder that faith really is not as complicated as we make it be sometimes.

Faith is simply: God loves me. He gave himself for me, and because of His sacrifice for my sins, I give my life to someone who can use it better than I. It is trust.

There is hope in every valley, a sunrise in every night. When anxiety and fears cloud your heart bringing out the demons and insecurities that you keep inside, Jesus is there holding you. Because He loves you. Because you are His.

I heard a song couple years ago sung by my church choir and the lyrics said,

“I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining,
I believe in love even when I don’t feel it,
I believe in God even when He is silent”.

So often do I take God for granted, and every time that I feel that He is not there I fail to lean on Him. Sometimes when I am feeling insecure, God does not give me the answer that I am wanting, in the way that I am wanting. Sometimes when I am on my knees, searching for God I forget that He is always there with me, even when I do not see Him.

“Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory”-1 Peter 1:8

God is always around us, weaving Himself into our lives constantly. Whenever insecurities find their way into our mind and the devil knocks on the door, God is there to comfort us and to let us know that we are enough. We do not need to see Him to love Him, but we can see Him alive in others, alive in the world, and alive in ourselves. He is always with us, holding our hand, even when we ask, “Jesus, where are you? Am I right beside you?” He is shouting,

“I’m right beside you! I feel what you feel!
And I’m here to hold you when death is too real!
You know, I died, too! I was terrified!
I gave myself for you! I was crucified
Because I love you! I love you, child!” -Kings Kaleidoscope

If we never doubted our faith, how would we learn to lean on something that is greater than us. Some doubts can be healthy in our lives. It challenges us to confront the hard questions in our faith that our hearts wrestle with from time to time. Healthy doubt bring us closer to God, because a faith without doubt does not grow. No one knows everything about God, but that’s something that makes Him just more beautiful.

When I look and see how I have doubted God or my faith in the past, and even now, I only see how God has led me through those trials by blessing me with Christ-like people within my lives, His scripture, prayer, and even His beautiful creation. Nothing is strong enough to take me from the love of God.

Seek God. Seek His coming kingdom. Strive to know Him and make Him known, through all the hills and valleys. No matter how hard life gets, no matter how hard fear and doubt hits you, keep being a Christian.

What causes you to be anxious? What makes you lose sleep at night?

How can you lean more on God? Especially in the valleys of your faith?

How can you seek His kingdom more?

“The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven must be our home.” -C.S. Lewis

“On the eve of the cross, Jesus made his decision. He would rather go to hell for you than go to heaven without you. And the Angels Were Silent.” -Max Lucado

Hello, my name is Josh Jones and I am an 18 year old college student at Truman State University. I have always wanted to start a blog about various topics that tend to meander throughout my mind but I never had the time until I was abruptly sent home due to the pandemic of COVID-19.

I never would have thought that something like this would happen. I heard about it when it started but I thought it would be like Ebola a couple years ago and never quite blossomed into what it has become today. I was on a spring break service trip with my college campus ministry “CCF” when I received the news about school being moved to online for the next week. I was excited to hear that I would have an opportunity to see my family but it never really sank in that it would be any longer than a week. The next few days were a hassle trying to get back into the dorms to retrieve our belongings for the next week and it would be an understatement to say that people were panicking in the camp.

We made the long drive back to Truman from Adair, OK and all that time I could not help but think of the gloomy outcome that the semester would be taken online, that I would not be there in person to see my senior friends graduate, or even spend more time with the newfound Christian friends that I have made throughout my time with them over the past few months, weeks, even days. We finally made it back, packed up our cars, thankfully got into our dorms to get our belongings and said our goodbyes. Goodbyes are always hard but these seemed harder, given the circumstances that we did not know what was held for the future.

I made the dreary drive home safely to my parents in St. Louis and felt safe and sound away from the craziness of the anticipation of the future. I went to church the next day and caught up with old friends and mentors who warmed my heart and comforted me with the love of God.

Monday was different due to the adjustment to online classes throughout the day, but even worse was the email sent out about in person classes being suspended for the rest of the semester. My mind raced and my heart filled with anxiety as I began to text and call my friends asking what their plans were and how we were going to keep in touch, all the while not even praying. Not even giving a glance to what God had to say about this. Isn’t that how it always tends to go?

And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God” (Matthew 14:28-33).

When we are scared, where do we tend to go? I know I didn’t turn to God and cry out, “Lord, save me,” but we have to learn to do so. Jesus asked Peter to walk to Him. He said, “Come”, come to me when you are broken hearted, when you are scared not knowing where life will take you. Come to me when you are tired, not knowing when you will find rest. Come to me when you are anxious, when your mind becomes a prison. Come to me when you are lonely, when you feel like no one is there for you. Come to me when you are happy, when life becomes easier to handle. Just come.

Jesus knew that Peter would take his eyes off Him and fall. He knew that Peter would start to sink. Jesus wanted Peter, and the rest of us too, to realize that nothing can be done without Him. We need to learn to always lean upon God, to cry out, “Lord, save me” no matter the circumstances. He knew that Peter would doubt but he still asked him to come to him so He could be the one that lifted him out of the waters.

God is our saving grace. We should always turn to Him to be our rock, our savior, no matter where life takes us. This semester definitely did not turn out how I wanted it to. I am going to miss seeing my friends everyday, going to classes, enjoying the small thing on campus, and especially the community I felt, but nonetheless in my anxiety, in my doubt and pain, God is there telling me to “Come.”

So what leads our hearts away from God, to the point where we fail to turn to Him in every aspect of our lives?

What in our everyday lives gives us “false confidence”?

In what areas of our lives could we come to Jesus more often?

“If we will not learn to eat the only food that the universe grows, the only food that any possible universe ever can grow, then we must starve eternally”- Tim Keller

“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.”-Jerry Bridges

Faith Without (Healthy)Doubt

Walking on Water