I spent July 4th this year with my best friends, Jack and Isabella, similarly with the past few years. We did the usual patriotic things like eat burgers, play spikeball, hit some golf balls, and of course, watch some fireworks while drinking sweet tea. All of these things while enjoying the company that we have grown quite fond of over the past years. As Jack and I sat on the roof of a car watching fireworks, I couldn’t help but reflect over the changes in the world and especially in myself over the past year.
July 4th, 2019, I just graduated high school. I went on a trip with my family in which I got E. Coli which was so much fun, and I was preparing myself for a mission trip to Japan. The last semester of high school was interesting for many different reasons and I was still working through the distance between my heart and my head to learn to let some things go. I saw someone that day that brought unwanted attention to those issues and it set me back a few weeks. I was at a different emotional standing in my life, about to go off to college, trying to live through my past, and trying to figure who I was.
I was different and sometimes it takes time to realize how much God has changed you and what has changed about you. Let’s be honest, who enjoys changes? We tend to be creatures of habit, liking our coffee one way or another and most of us afraid to have things change on way or another. I don’t like change, but if I am honest with myself, I couldn’t live without it…especially within myself. As I have said before I tend to be a perfectionist of many sorts, mainly with my relationships and that is something that needs a lot of change.
Couple years ago, my pastor preached a series of sermons over the book of Philippians. His sermon series surrounded the phrase, “The purpose of progress is to release us from the pressures of perfection.” Now I know that is quite a mouthful and a lot to decompress, but the bottom line for me was that we need not to be a slave to perfection. Throughout our lives we go through changes, and even though some things are steps backwards or seem like it, they are always steps forwards in the journey through God’s plan for us. Every single thing that has happened for better or for worse has led me here, right where God wants me to be and I should always want to be where God wants me.
Perfection has a pretty big role in my life, if I have to be honest. It is something I struggle with often and what causes me to become upset with other people and especially myself, but after hearing the sermon series, the little things started to matter more in life. The small things of noticing that I started waking up earlier and being productive, or my mile time was a couple seconds faster, or I did not get upset at something I would have used to, or seeing something that sparked a bad memory did not faze me. Even the bad things as well like an increase in screen time, or lack of posting on this blog, or not practicing music at all. These bad changes I notice push me to do something about them and to be better than I was beforehand. It is hard to find change especially when being so focused on the short run in life, but God is in it for the long run and there is peace to be found in the fact that my life is never my own and every day is progress towards my change to being more like Christ.
This year, as I watched one by one, each firework shoot off there was a kind of peace that surrounded me in this chaotic world that I live in now. No matter how crazy this world can get, it is progress. Progress for the kingdom to come, because not even a hair can fall from my head without God letting and that is something powerful even though the winds of life can be overwhelming. As I turned around and saw the people I chose to surround myself with this year I could not help but feel loved, cared for, and at peace. I am thankful for the friends God has blessed me with. The ones that have been there through everything and even when life gets busy, still finding the time to sit on cars and watch fireworks. So much has changed over the past year, some very big things, and some very small. It seems like January 1st, 2020 was ages ago and high school was a whole other lifetime, but all of it is progress towards becoming who we were created to be. That is what releases us from the pressure of perfection.
“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.” ― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
When I try to take control
Fear and terror grip my soul
I need joy, I need peace
I need rest I need relief
I look to you, and you teach me to
Seek your kingdom
Seek your righteousness–“Seek Your Kingdom” K.K.
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