Beautiful Anyways

Couple weeks ago Judah and the Lion came out with a song called “Beautiful Anyways”. As per usual, they never fail to disappoint but this song hit closer than normal from them. The song illustrated going through hard times where stress and anxiety were king and self worth was out the window.

Couple weeks ago I went on a walk with a dear friend and she asked me this question, “When was the last time you felt God rejoicing over you?” I really did not know how to respond because in all honesty I have never thought about that. I stuttered to come up with an answer and finally came to the conclusion that I have never really felt that way. I have always put up these high expectations for myself and always viewed myself as a sinner, which is who I am, but a sinner that I suppose has to earn God’s joy.

I tend to hold very high expectations of myself and I understand that no amount that I can do will make me more worth God’s love and grace, but the perspective I often tend to have makes me feel like I am not a worthy participant of God’s grace unless I am feeling good about myself. So what has to change?

Understanding earthly satisfaction in self worth begins with where you put your worth and your expectations. My worth should come from no other than the Father. I am a child of God and nothing can change that. Even though I am a sinner, broken and afraid, Grace surpasses my worth and makes me perfect in the eyes of God. He is a solid rock and foundation, unable to be shaken and torn. He is our perfect stronghold to put our worth. He makes us feel truly known and loved. As Tim Keller writes,

“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

When we put our full identity within Christ, we are fully known, all of our actions and deeds and sins; everything. Even though God knows everything about us, He still loves us and that should make us feel not only overwhelming content but being worth something beautiful.

The second part of this is understanding our expectations of ourselves. I tend to have very high expectations, maybe it was the way I was raised or the schools I went to but I tend to be pretty critical of myself. I tend to be more gracious to others while not cutting myself any slack. This is and consequence of putting my identity in something other than God. My expectations for myself are higher than who God wants me to be and thus, I am not understanding grace nor letting grace rush over me and change me.

Grace changes everything. I have had that phrase engraved in my brain from the motto of my home church since my childhood. It really does change everything. It should change how you view yourself. It changes how we view each other because we are all equal participants of grace as Paul says in Philippians. It changes the expectations we have for ourselves in every aspect of our life. It changes us for the glory of God, to be more Christlike. That’s what being a Christian means; believing that Jesus and His grace is the only thing that can make you who you were meant to be.

So when was the last time I felt that God was rejoicing over me? Since couple weeks ago it has been everyday. Even through the highs and lows, even through my sin and shame and guilt, I have felt beautiful anyways. I am beautiful anyways because I know that I am enough, I know that I am here for a reason, and I know that I am fully known and truly loved.

The world right now is in a pit of chaos and immorality, but as I have observed this time through my own worldviews and biases, I still need to remind myself that every one of those people that are rioting and looting and protesting, peacefully and not, are children of God. They are still beautiful anyways because if grace can change a wretch like me, then grace is more than enough for people like them. He makes beautiful things.

When was the last time you felt God rejoicing over you?

How has grace changed your life?

Where do you put your worth?

“You told me the other day
You hate yourself and anxiety
Depressed a mess to death
You’d open up and welcome wide with a smile
They told you it’s clinical but I seem so critical
I wish I could convince the thoughts
That you keep on believing were a lie
There you go
Feeling so broken and alone
You walk with your head held so low
You wanna give in
Most the days and that’s okay
I hope you see someday that you are beautiful anyway
You look in the mirror
Please try to see it clearer
How crazy and amazing you are and then let it inside
You can be scientific
Trust me, know I get it
But I won’t agree when you tell me you don’t deserve a life
Raise your hands
Take a second and breathe in
Singing, “I’m here for a reason”
Raise your hands
Take a second and breathe in
Singing, “Hallelujah, I’m known and loved”
And away you fly
Free with your head held so high
‘Cause you never let up the fight
And you never gave in on those days in the pain
That’s what makes this life so wonderfully awesome
And horribly awful
Yet somehow it’s beautiful anyway”

–Beautiful Anyways by Judah and the Lion