Reflection is always important and as I’ve just finished my freshman year in college I couldn’t help but look back and smell the aroma of Christ consistently in the past year.
In the beginning of August, I came into college scared out of my mind. I was leaving my home base, my family, my mentors, my friends, the familiarity of the roads and highways, everything. Yes, I still had God and He is always constant, but if I am honest, that was at the back of my mind. I was taken outside of my comfort zone, and placed somewhere alone. I remember sobbing when my parents left on moving day, I didn’t want them to leave and as soon as they did, I called my friends…the ones back in St. Louis, my home.
As I walked into my dorm room for the first time without my family there, I was scared, nervous for the people I’d meet and how it would change my life. Neck-deep in my fears, God saved me, as per usual and not even 15 minutes into my fears, my roommate and my suitemates walked into my life. We quickly became a tight knit group of friends and quickly my fears vanished. I was still scared of being away from home, scared that my faith would shake and scared that I wouldn’t know what to do or where to go, but at least my fear of scary new people was gone. God gave me a new “home-base”.
That Sunday I went to CCF, the campus ministry, and although I enjoyed it, it was still a bit intimidating, being the new freshie who didn’t know anyone. My fears got the better of me but God pushed me to join a small group, and if it wasn’t for that small group, I don’t think I would’ve enjoyed my first year at all. Looking back, that small group of 12 guys brought back the “St. Louis comfort” to my heart. Of course it was meeting new people and learning to become vulnerable but yet God still provided a community in which I could grow. Early that semester as well, a CCF guy reached out to me and we started grabbing lunch weekly and I started to feel more loved and cared for. I felt at home.
I wasn’t too involved in CCF my first semester as I was still with my group of friends from my dorm hall, but that changed my second semester. A close friend of mine down my hall, Jackson, introduced me to a group of CCF people that lived in my building. I quickly felt loved and cared for and felt the Christian community and friends that I felt like I was missing my first semester. God provided.
Later on, they invited me to a CCF worship night where my involvement took off. The rest from there is history as the rest of my time was spent in classes, sports, friends, and CCF. There it was again, the Lord dwindling down the fears that I had from the beginning of college. He provides.
As my first year of college wrapped up, I could not help but wonder about all the smaller things that would have drastically changed what my freshman year would have looked like. What if I did not choose Ryle Hall to live in? Would I still have met CCF people that would have pushed me to be more involved? What if I never went to that worship night and gotten involved musically in CCF? What if I picked a different roommate? What if …fill in the blank.
It doesn’t matter all the “what ifs” because I know that God would have provided. God would have given me a community, given me a place to flourish and grow to depend more on Him. Bottom line is, God provides. He knows you, inside and out, and knows your fears and doubts, but the only way to conquer those fears and doubts is to rely on God.
I walked into college nervous out of my mind, not knowing where God would take me. Looking back at this year is a testament of the love that God shows that I hope never to forget. The Lord will never leave me or forsake me because I am His and nothing can take that away from me. So go to His open arms with all your fears and failures because He holds you and comforts you, no matter where you are.
What do you fear now?
Looking back, what are the testaments of God’s love in your life?
In what aspects of your life can you learn to depend on Him more?
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus’ Name
Oh Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
The Looking Glass Blog 